Diary of an Unborn Child

Found this article in the AWAKE magazine printed in May 1980.

.........

OCTOBER 5:

Today my life began. My parents do not know it yet, but it is I already. And I am to be a girl. I shall have blond hair and blue eyes. Just about everything is settled though, even the fact that I shall love flowers.

OCTOBER 19:

Some say that I am not a real person yet, that only my mother exists. But I am a real person, just as a small crumb of bread is yet truly bread. My mother is. And I am.

OCTOBER 23:

My mouth is just beginning to open now. Just think, in a year or so I shall be laughing and later talking. I know what my first word will be: MAMA.

OCTOBER 25:

My heart began to beat today all by itself. From now on it shall gently beat for the rest of my life without ever stopping to rest! And after many years it will tire. It will stop, and then I shall die.

NOVEMBER 2:

I am growing a bit every day. My arms and legs are beginning to take shape. But I have to wait a long time yet before those little legs will raise me to my mother’s arms, before these little arms will be able to gather flowers and embrace my father.

NOVEMBER 12:

Tiny fingers are beginning to form on my hands. Funny how small they are! I’ll be able to stroke my mother’s hair with them.

NOVEMBER 20:

It wasn’t until today that the doctor told mom that I am living here under her heart. Oh, how happy she must be! Are you happy, mom?

NOVEMBER 25:

My mom and dad are probably thinking about a name for me. But they don’t even know that I am a little girl. I want to be called Kathy. I am getting so big already.

DECEMBER 10:

My hair is growing. It is smooth and bright and shiny. I wonder what kind of hair mom has?

DECEMBER 13:

I am just about able to see. It is dark around me. When mom brings me into the world it will be full of sunshine and flowers. But what I want more than anything is to see my mom. How do you look, mom?

DECEMBER 24:

I wonder if mom hears the whispering of my heart? Some children come into the world a little sick. But my heart is strong and healthy. It beats so evenly: tup-tup, tup-tup. You’ll have a healthy little daughter, mom!

DECEMBER 28:

Today my mother killed me.  — Anonymous

............

My opinion


Abortion is something i do not stand for or against. Its not something you do just for the fun of it. Its something you do because one situation or other pushes you to it.

It is easy to say you are against something you really have no experience about. And until you find yourself in a similar situation, you cannot predict what your decision is to be.

Would love to go on but i'm more interested in what you think

In Your Absence

In Your Absence

My eyes thirsts to behold you again

My fingers tingles in readiness to touch your skin

My heart thumps like horses hooves, against my ribs

at the memories of our last day together.

My body aches from the loss of your touch

It awaits, the soft kisses, you love to trail

from head to toe.

The loving whispers of promises to keep

It remembers all your luscious kisses,

and your warm embrace.

The slow rhythm of our love making,

and the sweet punishment when passion

kept us up till morning dew.

All that I am, misses you so.

I have nothing but memories,

daydreams and our song to keep my

loneliness at bay.

Together, they cast a spell to satiate the

hunger, raging within.

Hurry on home my handsome prince.

The magic of our song, can only do so much

My heart still feel hollow without you around.

The rib, the potter took, misses its rightful place

at your side.

Florence

Reprinted from http://soulfulladies.blogspot.com/

Somewhere I Have Never Travelled

A poem by E.E.Cummings.


somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

If.......

If  someone should stand right in front of you,you'd notice them
If someone should break down and cry, you'd notice them
If someone should seek your helping hand, you'd be there in a flash

Except when that person is; someone, invisible, unimportant and
inconsequential in your world. Someone you deemed unworthy of your
friendship, love or affection.

- Me -

You saw me as a trivial part of your life and acted accordingly.
You treated me like i was invisible. You looked right through me,
walked right by me and sometimes, even walked all over me.
Still I stood, waiting patiently to be noticed by you.

When you did look up, it was to spit venomous words.
To damage my spirit. When you did act, it was to show me the
devil you really were. You showed me the other side of love

I could have gotten angry I supposed. I could have played an eye for an eye.
Tell the world, you were despicable. Exposed you for the black hole you really were.
I could have left I know. But love kept my feet firmly on the ground.

Had you bothered, you would have seen eyes filled with love
Arms ready to enfold you in a loving embrace.
Courage, strength and support, ready to stand by your side
Instead you wasted time on looking elsewhere, for what was standing right in front of you.

The Heart Knows

Who knew that the heart,
could feel like a separate
entity, away from the body

Who knew that a heart could
feel so happy. It dances, so the
beat ,feels so different, from
the pace it normally beats

Who knew that my heart
is so attached to you that,
hurting you could affect it
in such a way, it feels
alien even to me.

Who knew that my heart
love you  so much it
reacts, of its own accord,
to every emotion, every action
and every sound you ever make

Who knew that my heart

would find the spark, to light

its eternal flame, hidden within you
Its as though, it flourishes from a molten lava
of love flowing in your name

Who knew that my heart would

decide my fate, without so much of fuss.
I can not fault it though, for even I know,
its been in-love with you, for more than half
of its existence.

My Impossible Wish

I.

Sitting on my bed

I stared at the picture on my wall.

Surrounded by discarded tissues,

it felt like my heart, was being

wrenched in two.

Alone in my room, I held myself

as tears streamed down my face.

Filled to the core with sorrow,

all I could do was shake my head

as the words no! no! no! no! no

poured out of me.

I had just lost my father.

II.

Words cannot describe the emptiness,

the sorrow, the pain, and  most of all, the guilt.

Shoulders shuddering, I sobbed

into the night.

I couldn’t help but play over and over

in my mind'

the incident of the day before.

The stupidity of my actions plagues

me ever since.

III.

It’s been five years now, and

I’m still overwhelmed with guilt.

For he had called the night before

wanting to talk.

Like a fool, not realising how

significant the call was,

I told him I’d call him back the next day.

Why, you asked?

-  because I had some friends over.

My father died in his sleep that night.

IV.

How stupid!

How ignorant of me

to think life is guaranteed!

How ...

How I wish I could rewind time

Just a little bit

I promise

It would only be for that night

Please, just for that night.

V.

Would it be possible, I wonder,

to call the cosmo into order

To align the stars

So I could rewrite

the mistake of that night

Father,

I would sit, with my legs crossed,

Probably on my couch or preferably

On my bed

I would sit and talk to you

for as long as you want me to

VI.

I would tell you how much

I loved you

Tell you how much you mean to me

How much you’ve given me

How much I appreciate you

I would forgive you for the things

I now know to be beyond your control.

I would tell you what a wonderful

father you were

I would promise anything you want.

VII.

I would wish upon a falling star

If it means going back to right

the wrong of that night.

However, since I do not possess

the magic needed, to call the cosmo into order

I’ll say I’m sorry

For I couldn’t bid you farewell

on that fateful night.

I'm sorry,

I love you. 

Rest In Peace.

- Florence


Reprinted from Soulful Ladies
http://soulfulladies.blogspot.com/2010/05/i.html

Food For Thought

Came across this in my inbox and decided to share it here. It makes you wonder, do you see your glass half full or half empty?

..........

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. 


They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. 
 
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" 
 
"It was great, Dad." 
 
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked. 
 
"Oh yeah," said the son. 
 
"So, tell me, what you learned from the trip?" asked the father. 
 
The son answered: 
 
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four. 
 
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. 
 
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. 
 
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. 
 
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. 
 
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. 
 
We buy our food, but they grow theirs. 
 
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them." 
 
The boy's father was speechless. 
 
Then his son added, “Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are." 
 
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have... 
 
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your  family and friends! 
 

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

This reminded me of you

"A heart is a fragile thing. That's why we protect it so vigorously, giving it away so rarely. And why it means so much more when we do.

Some hearts are more fragile than others. Pure somehow. Like crystals in a world of glass. Even the way they shatter is beautiful." - Everwood 

DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE 1

DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?

A picture is worth more than a thousand words. At least, that’s how the saying goes.

 So here is a picture for you to consider. Tell me, what do you see?

Do you see a Super hero pondering how to put a shattered woman together again?

Do you see a super hero after an ugly battle trying to catch his breath?

Do you see a man sorry for his actions or a man ready to deliver the last blow?

Maybe like me you see a man pleading for forgiveness after destroying you until all you see is broken pieces of yourself.

Perhaps you opened your eyes one day, I mean really opened your eyes.

You piece together everything you called your life, and there is the picture staring back at you.

You are shocked that this is what your life has become. For you could barely recognise who you are or what you stand for.

As you lay there, you promised yourself to never allow this to happen again.

You began to think of ways to put yourself back together again. And a quote came to mind.  “He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." ~ Raymond Hull”

Knowing that that’s part of the problem, you decided to start with the basic things. Things like “What is my favourite colour?” only to realise you do not have one.

As you asked yourself how it’s even possible for someone not to have a favourite colour, you remembered. You did have a favourite colour. It was red. Only when you recall red, it’s tied to an unpleasant memory.

Yet you snapped yourself out of it and asked yourself another question. “What is my favourite hobby?” but you come up short. Why? ... Well because he hated it. Hated it, until you had to give it up.

And one by one you realised that you had chipped away at yourself trying to make him happy.

So in addition to how you already feel, you add guilt to it. But most of all, you now realised that in addition to being able to hurt you, he also has the power to make you hurt yourself. So you vouch to never make yourself a victim again. You promised to get out, to rebuild your life again.

But as you began to regain your confidence, as you get to that point where you can actually hold your head up again, he comes back. Told you he was a changed man and promised never to do those things again. Got on his knees and sobbing, pleading for your forgiveness and confessing his undying love.

I pause here to ask of you a simple question: Would you forgive him?

Would you forgive this man, the man you had loved for so long? The man you had thought, at one point in your life, you could live the rest of your life with.  This man, who’s now prostrated in front of you, asking, that you forget everything, so you can start again.

Taken aback, you begin to examine what it was like to live with him. You remembered how he had carried out a hate vendetta against you for nearly a decade. How your tears had meant nothing to him. You remembered how you had considered him a punishment from God himself.

Nevertheless here he is now, asking to be forgiven. Surely this must mean something you thought. Maybe God had decided to finally answer your prayers regarding this man you thought. Coming out of your reverie, you heard something to confirm your worst fear. He had been ordered to apologise.

Still holding unto your sanity by a thread, you probed for more answers.  Answers, came alright, only now wish you hadn’t even bothered. Because now, now you realised that this man wasn’t asking to be forgiven because he felt any remorse. He didn’t regret breaking you; he didn’t regret isolating you or the humiliation he caused you. Not even your pain registered to this man.

With panic, you realised, that for almost a decade, you truly have been sleeping with your enemy. Because the only reason for the display of remorse is his twisted idea, that with your forgiveness comes a blissful life.

So I ask you one more time: Could you ever forgive him?

Could you???........

………..

  

A picture is worth more than a thousand words. However what’s more important is the interpretation of what we see.

Look at the picture once again and tell me what you see now.

Do you see a hero on his knees or a villain?

More importantly which of the two are?


- Florence