DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?
A picture is worth more than a thousand words. At least, that’s how the saying goes.
So here is a picture for you to consider. Tell me, what do you see?
Do you see a Super hero pondering how to put a shattered woman together again?
Do you see a super hero after an ugly battle trying to catch his breath?
Do you see a man sorry for his actions or a man ready to deliver the last blow?
Maybe like me you see a man pleading for forgiveness after destroying you until all you see is broken pieces of yourself.
Perhaps you opened your eyes one day, I mean really opened your eyes.
You piece together everything you called your life, and there is the picture staring back at you.
You are shocked that this is what your life has become. For you could barely recognise who you are or what you stand for.
As you lay there, you promised yourself to never allow this to happen again.
You began to think of ways to put yourself back together again. And a quote came to mind. “He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." ~ Raymond Hull”
Knowing that that’s part of the problem, you decided to start with the basic things. Things like “What is my favourite colour?” only to realise you do not have one.
As you asked yourself how it’s even possible for someone not to have a favourite colour, you remembered. You did have a favourite colour. It was red. Only when you recall red, it’s tied to an unpleasant memory.
Yet you snapped yourself out of it and asked yourself another question. “What is my favourite hobby?” but you come up short. Why? ... Well because he hated it. Hated it, until you had to give it up.
And one by one you realised that you had chipped away at yourself trying to make him happy.
So in addition to how you already feel, you add guilt to it. But most of all, you now realised that in addition to being able to hurt you, he also has the power to make you hurt yourself. So you vouch to never make yourself a victim again. You promised to get out, to rebuild your life again.
But as you began to regain your confidence, as you get to that point where you can actually hold your head up again, he comes back. Told you he was a changed man and promised never to do those things again. Got on his knees and sobbing, pleading for your forgiveness and confessing his undying love.
I pause here to ask of you a simple question: Would you forgive him?
Would you forgive this man, the man you had loved for so long? The man you had thought, at one point in your life, you could live the rest of your life with. This man, who’s now prostrated in front of you, asking, that you forget everything, so you can start again.
Taken aback, you begin to examine what it was like to live with him. You remembered how he had carried out a hate vendetta against you for nearly a decade. How your tears had meant nothing to him. You remembered how you had considered him a punishment from God himself.
Nevertheless here he is now, asking to be forgiven. Surely this must mean something you thought. Maybe God had decided to finally answer your prayers regarding this man you thought. Coming out of your reverie, you heard something to confirm your worst fear. He had been ordered to apologise.
Still holding unto your sanity by a thread, you probed for more answers. Answers, came alright, only now wish you hadn’t even bothered. Because now, now you realised that this man wasn’t asking to be forgiven because he felt any remorse. He didn’t regret breaking you; he didn’t regret isolating you or the humiliation he caused you. Not even your pain registered to this man.
With panic, you realised, that for almost a decade, you truly have been sleeping with your enemy. Because the only reason for the display of remorse is his twisted idea, that with your forgiveness comes a blissful life.
So I ask you one more time: Could you ever forgive him?
Could you???........
………..
A picture is worth more than a thousand words. However what’s more important is the interpretation of what we see.
Look at the picture once again and tell me what you see now.
Do you see a hero on his knees or a villain?
More importantly which of the two are?
- Florence
